Niffelheim: The Norse Wet Dream

“You are not done yet!”

The words seem to ring for an eternity, moments after the spear of fate plunged into my heart. Falling in battle is the greatest honor a man can achieve, but this… This is horrifying. I’ve been stripped of my honorable death and thrown into this fate between worlds. I do not know why I have been given this path, but I will walk it. I will be victorious. I will fight my way to Valhalla.

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Based on that intro, you should be able to tell I was excited to try Niffelheim. I prefer Norse Mythology and thought the design of the creatures and stages were exciting and, frankly, kewl. I mean, whats the easiest way to attract a metal head? Put characters in black robes and skulls everywhere. There’s nothing more metal than being a Viking stuck between life and death, fighting waves of the undead to pass on to the afterlife. So obviously my dick was hard at just the thought of this game. I was, however, let down quickly.

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Now, this game is doing something along the lines of Terraria with more of a Kingdom: Two Crowns feel. You walk left to right, and you get your own little area to forage in and kill animals for food. Your base is located in the middle of the area you pick once you select a new game. There are 4 in total. Will I tell you the difference? No. Do I really know the difference? No. I tried 2 different campaigns but was just too bored to go any further. It has a lot of crafting in it, and your tools break pretty easy.

dungeon view (Promo art)

On my first go, I strip-mined the whole thing, but eventually, your path gets blocked by a boss of sorts, just a big enemy you have to kill to go deeper. None of the stuff re-spawns though. Also, if you decided to explore another dungeon and perhaps lose a weapon fighting enemies there (or blow all your resources upgrading your base and crafting benches) You’re fucked. This might be a relief if you did not add any AI opponents. In all, you’re going to the other areas and just mowing over the place collecting stuff you need. But doing this bores the tits off of me.

Dungeon View (Promo Art)

The gameplay really only consisted of collecting things, and combat is simply holding the attack button. If they are whipping the dick from your body, maybe using a potion or charm, that’s it. It’s not even really that the game is hard, just monotonous. Games like Elite Dangerous and Truck Driving Simulators can be described the same way, for they are not a game meant to be enthralled in completely. More like a game to sit back and relax with will you listen to music, or a YouTube video, or podcast. Niffelheim feels the same way, so maybe after more time with my jaw slack, I’ll be able to finish it. My broad opinion, however, will most likely stay the same. It’s just boring.